Sentimental days.

Hello,

Its been a week of holidays now and i don't feel that i've utilized the time given to me properly. All week i've only been studying english and economics. Damn, hard gay. Well anyways, i don't know if i've told any of you because this happened to me before but when i stay home for a long time and don't go out and shit i start to think and when i start to think i get all sentimental and shit. It's pretty lame but that's just who i am.

I went out for dinner last night, and there's this guy who went with us. I think he's like the outcast of Zealous(My mentor's crew) sort of. Like alot of people don't like him because they think he's annoying and whatnot. I tried not to get influenced by their thoughts but i can see what they mean... and i guess i fucked up and sort of gave him shit too. My mentor told me that he told him that he felt that some of the people in Zealous and SKB were giving him a hard time and for me, it's impossible to imagine him saying that because it's just not part of his character. But it got me thinking of why we try to deny people from getting into our hearts well that's a bad way of putting it i mean why we don't let people in. Is it because we don't want to get hurt? I'm sure that's part of the reason. But if we don't let our true self out, how can we really be ourselves? For me, i'm just myself to everyone i know. I might be different to some people but that's just me. Schizophrenia for the win =). How would you deal with it if you saw lets say a different side of... hhmm i don't really wanna say his name... lets just say if you saw a different side of someone you hated, and you knew the secrets of this person, but since you've been exposed to their other side it's changed your impression of them. What would you do? Would you tell your friends about how 'weird' they are or would you keep it to yourself realizing that there is more than meets the eye. Sigh... i'm having trouble wording what i mean... hopefully you'll understand what i mean when i said i gave the dude shit even though i was aware he feels like shit sometimes. I should have taken it into consideration and just ignored him or whatever. Logic and emotion i guess. Sort of XD.

Change. I hate change and your aware of that. I oppose change, and its sort of happening to me right now. I know that this change is NOT good i'm 100% absolutely sure about it. I'm becoming a product of my hatred. I'm becoming what i tried so hard to prevent from becoming. And i'm not so sure of what to do. My selfishness is... exuberating. Sigh well i'm gonna cut this post short, i can't really think of anything else on my mind. Well i can but i don't wanna get into it =S

Peace,
The King of Random