Many, many things.

6 days till the end,

So a week ago a friend of mine told me that my posts were too short so in honour of her, this post will be really really long and really really random. This post will be strange for many, because there will be no definite mood. But let me give you a brief explanation of some of the shit i'm gonna be covering (Some i may have already covered): Secrets, the rush of doing illegal shit, buying condoms, feminine odour. Yes. RANDOM.

Since buying condoms sort of sounded funny i thought i'd start with that one. So the other day i'm buying condoms for a friend, and i wanted to do it cause i like to make people laugh. So i'm at the store i'm near the register and i get it and say some weird shit to the shop assistant. But this wasn't the first time i did it and there was this one time i had to get shit for a friend and like... i was walking to the register and the worst thing happens... i see a family friend. At first i was shitting bricks thinking "WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO !?" and my family friend says Hi Edward, so i respond and i think, i THINK she saw what was in my hand and must have thought it MIGHT have been a pack of condoms because they were only a 6 pack so its pretty small. So i respond with hi and thats that. But there was this unexplainable awkwardness if you get what i mean and because they know my parents i couldn't really crack a joke. Sigh... i was really unlucky that time. So my question is to you: Have you ever bought condoms and if so, what is the strangest shit that has happened when you bought them?

Since i'm in the mood of comical humour and whatnot, i'd like to tell you about something i do which everyone whom i do it to finds weird about me. SNIFFING HAIR !!! Women's hair that is. I don't know why this is, maybe i have a fucked up nose, but chicks have this smell. It's nice and at first i thought it was cause they all put on perfume and deoderant but apparently not cause i ask them and they first look at me like they want to slap me and then say with this confused look on their face "....no". But hair seems to be where the central smell comes from for some reason, well there is ONE other place on a woman's body where her scent is strong.. if uuhh... you know... you get my drift ;)

Big talk. I do it alot, i try to think i don't but i'm pretty sure if you asked the people around me, they would say i do. I don't know why people do it and the big talk i'm referring to would be for example if someone got into a fight and lost and then some other douchebag would say something along these lines "WELL FIRST, I'D HAVE MY GUARD UP AND THEN I'D HOOK HIM FROM THE LEFT AND DO A TORNADO KICK" No you fag, you don't have time to think. But that's a classic example. Let's look at a situation i recently heard about. So this guy who hates this girl ALOT was saying how he would laugh if she committed suicide because she "deserves it". Now i know this girl and she's a pretty cool person and she's also the person who requested this blog, and she hasn't really done anything... Anyways, what i'm trying to say is that if the same were to happen to one of his friends, he wouldn't laugh and i'd probably shit talk and say "Wow, i guess i should be laughing now right?" you see, it's cyclical.

Dreams dreams dreams. I seem to be obsessed with them. I'm always asking people about their dreams but lately, i haven't been having any good dreams. They make me recollect on times i don't want to think about. Do you dream everynight? Someone once told me he only dreamed once a week and i told him he was fucked up. Do you agree? She(the one who's requesting a longer blog) said that they reflect our most inner thoughts, and because of this it has lead me to believe that people deny us their dreams because they have secrets to hide, doesn't everyone?

Why do we keep secrets? What is the purpose of them. Most of the time you don't want someone to know something about you because your scared they will attack you because of it, or that you'll hurt them because they know something about you that they did not want to know. Ignorance is bliss. I believe in that sentence 1000%. I wouldn't mind that life, but because i know about the world and the sick creatures that dwell in it i am unable to comprehend a life like that. The simplest truth could destroy your life. I have a secret, well it's not really a secret, it's just not emphasised enough.

As all of you know, i have a bad relationship with my brother. I can say with full confidence that i am foreign to a sibling relationship. For example, Benji, you and your brother are tight and shit right? If he has a problem, he can talk to you about it without worrying too much. You'd back him in a fight right? You'd feed him if he was so sick he wasn't able to do anything on his own right? These are rhetorical questions, i already know the answers to them. For me, it's all the opposite. I can't talk to my brother about anything and i'm sure as hell he wouldn't jump in if i got into a brawl. Spiritually, i barely know him and he barely knows me. And that's the way i'd like it to be. Only God knows how many chances i've given him. Everytime he's fucked me over. And i'm not gonna ask someone for help or some shit like that, i'm gonna do the smart thing and just ignore him for the rest of my life. Sigh, i'm getting a bit pissed off now.

But that's cool, you wanted a long post and this has been bothering me all week. I'm not sure if it's my own doing or what happened in the past but everytime my brother is brought up in family conversation, i always just rage. Especially at my Mum, because SHE was the one who said she didn't want to ever talk to him again or to ever have him at our house. And now she's calling him and telling him to come over and shit? What the fuck? And when i ask her about it she says how it was "the heat of the moment". I don't know if she gets it or not, BUT IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK LIKE THAT. I don't know how true i stay to my words, but if they're passionate and there's feeling behind it, i do mean it. I try to stick to it. None of this heat of the moment bullshit. Like today, she was saying how he brought a cd to our house but he was too scared to come in or some shit, and then i was saying how she said she didn't want him in our house anymore and she's now saying how he doesn't want to be in our house, not the other way around. I instantly snapped and it fucked my whole day up. But that's how it is i guess. My emotions are a product of her actions. And imma stick by it.

You know what i'm really scared of though? If Sue gets involved. Because i know that if i tell her about it she WILL try to help. But i don't want your help, because what's been done has been done. Like the end of Father and Child by Gwen Harwood "No words, no tears can mend" this. There is no solution. But i'm scared because i know if she helps, i will hate her. Anyone who tries to help me on this situation i end up hating. I know she's trying to help, but the blindness caused by my anger against my brother decimates my logic. I'm tempted to just smash my door down and start screaming at my Mum for her idiocracy and arrogance, but fuck it. This blog prevents me from doing that. It's my escape i guess.

Sigh... i think that's why i've been stressed all week and shit. I've been getting into arguments left, right and center. But i dunno what to say. Oh well, we'll just let time play this out i guess. Not much i can do. I'm sorry for being such an asshole this week guys. But i don't want you to forgive me, because if i can't beat my brother then i am an asshole =.= HSC is in a week so i won't be posting for awhile i think... I just hope i do well and get AT LEAST 80. Or i'm gonna be departed to.... Tibet. Nah jokes. This post has been strange... i guess you could say... it's been a journey (O_o... Oh GOD =_=)

Peace out and goodluck to everyone doing the HSC,
The King of Random